This Train

The train is a-comin’

It’s rollin’ slow down the iron rails

I may climb aboard

I may let it pass on by

In the shade of the canopy

Under the stars

Under the sky

Under the clouds

I seek shelter from the sun

Why’d you try to change me?

What made you think you could save me

When the very thing that is my salvation

Shall be my death.

I wait.

On the platform, on a wooden bench.

Never know when this one’ll be the last...

Train that is.

But no one’ll cry, no one’ll care

...at least at first.

I walked near two miles

And far three

Just to be where you were

And not know where you are

Always one step ahead.

Always one step afoot.

Handkerchiefs a-waivin’

Suitcases draggin’

People bustlin’

A quake of the earth could make it all stop

...at least at first.

My troubles began...my troubles began...

I can hardly recall when my troubles began.

I remember asking for forgiveness

When what I wanted was revenge.

Was all I heard while bein’

Nudged, poked, tapped.

Beside my bench

On the wooden platform

By the train tracks.

Guess not.

Sigh...will it ever stop...will it ever-

Does it seem yellow...does the sky seem yellow?

May be the dust

May be my eyes

I know it ain’t the sun.

Maybe you know

What’s goin’ on

What’s goin’ down

I been playin’ in the streets,

I been dancin’ with the cars.

Twisted metal and broken glass

Bloody Bloody Mess

Tell me what’s my next move

My head is light

I’m in a corner and the paint begins to dry.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

I do believe it’s time to go.

I saw him deal from the bottom of the deck

Ain’t got no mother.

Ain’t got no father.

If I did, I wouldn’t trust ‘em

If I did, I wouldn’t blame ‘em

For if I’m gonna blame a man

For anywhere I am,

For anything I’ve done

Then the man to blame is my Self...

For my Self is the only man I trust.

I only got one regret

And that regret could kill any other man.

I been thinkin’ double

Double time

Double spaces.

I can’t pull myself together anymore.

If only they knew...

Knew what I done.

Knew what I do.

I’ve been gone now for a long long time

My head is fogged up

I gotta put myself together...

Gotta find all the pieces.

I got women on my mind

Lord I wish they’d get off.

Please show these fine ladies

Off the next stop, will you?

Got women aboard

And they ain’t gotta ticket

Not for miles?

I don’t have that kind of space

I will not be here in a couple of miles.

The money’s flowin’ but when it stops

...What then??!!

What happens then?

I don’t believe I’m a-gettin’ on that train.

I can’t quite place you...

It’s like I’ve see you before...

When I wrestled with the demons.

I can’t get this damned song

Out of my head

Moon June

Maybe Baby

Sittin’ at the table

Sippin’ my coffee

Never thought I’d be here.

Good place to be...if you’re here.

A fortnight I groveled on the gravel road.

There and back...

And if I were to tell you that a man

Ain’t nothin’ but a man,

Would you believe me?

Or would you continue to

Philosophize, sermonize, and canonize?

And if I were to tell you that I killed a man

And I feel no regret,

Would you hate me...or envy me?

Or would you continue to

Philosophize, sermonize, and soapboxatize.

Get down, please, get down.

These tracks run along the river

And never cross it once...

It’s a train not a boat.

Hey good lady, tell me

How hard must I work

For you to love me?

I got a cluttered cluttered mind.

Haven’t thought straight for

Ten long years...maybe twenty.

I can’t think clearly.

Eight hours a day I’m not me,

Forty hours a week I’m somebody else.

Spend most of my days with a knot in my stomach,

Angry, Bitter...

About what?

About nothing I couldn’t probably get out of.

I’m anxious...

Anxious about something.

Anxious to be done with this.

Anxious to be home.

No place like Home.

Always in a hurry

No time to waste

Lost’s of waste to time.

I don’t smoke, but if I did...more cigarettes.

My heart keeps on beating and beating.

My ears keep on hearing and hearing.

My appendix keeps on doing and doing

...whatever it is my appendix does.

I ain’t superstitious

But if I were I wouldn’t

Feel to good...

Not now...not at this time...

Before a black cat

Under a ladder

In the middle of your kitchen with my umbrella up.

It’s a high kitchen.

I’m losin’ my mind.

I don’t know where it’s goin’.

I don’t know who’s takin’ it.

But I’m losin’ it...

I can’t fight anymore.

I can’t fool myself anymore...

Fool myself into believing

this is My Place.

But I can’t deny being here for a reason.

Stones are rollin’ down the hill

Rocks are stayin’ put.

Lookin’ for something’ to occupy my mind

It’s up for rent.

Pick up my suitcase,

Give it to a passer by,

And ramble my way out of here.

I don’t wanna settle down

Gonna catch a freight train and leave this town.

Plagued with obligation

Diseased with guilt

I slipped into remission with

A tight chest

And

A racin’ mind.

I got no reason...

I used to have rhyme....

Now I got nothin’!

Pour the foundation

Stack the stone

Build Build Build

Don’t ever stop...not

Until your reputaion is

Good and Sturdy.

Are you certain it’ll last?

The rain is a comin’ down hard,

Right through my shirt

Right through my shoes

Slish Slosh Slish

Left right left

First slowly...then faster...faster...faster

Until you can’t go no faster.

The fire’s been put out,

I’m all outta kindlin’,

Why am I even doin’ this?

Will someone please tell me?

Cold, wet, tired.

I long for home.

Two lights on behind

When the train left the station.

Blue.

Red.

Clickety Clack Clickety Clack

The typewriter rolls on...

Errors culminationg towards

PERFECTION.

But communication is fuzzy...

Lines aren’t open...

Got nothing to say anyhow...

And if I did,

It wouldn’t be worth sayin’.

Gluttony!

The American Dream

Freedom!

The American Lie

Treason!

You can’t say that.

I can’t help but wonder...

Is this piece of glass

All that keeps me from a seven story fall?

I’m impatient...I ain’t

got time for waitin’.

But the clock on the mantle

Stopped a fortnight back.

She won’t let me forget.

Or maybe I won’t let myself forget.

I jump in my car and drive,

The battle rolls on and

I’m in the middle of it,

On the front line,

Lookin’ for inspiration

Where there’s only desperation

...All I find.

Just sippin’ my coffee...

Tryin’ to come up with somethin’...

A reason...

A rhyme...

Anything...

I’m different now, but I can’t figure how.

Maybe go to the doctor’s-

He’ll give me somethin’

To satisfy my mind...

Somethin’ potent I hope.

I wish my head would move in a straight line

A lot fewer collisions.

Tracks crossin’ tracks

Roads crossin’ roads

Tracks crossin’ roads, rivers, valleys

...Think I’ll take the plane to the doctor’s.

I don’t see it...

I just don’t see it.

How can a man live on bread and weekends alone?

Get a job

Lose a job

Find a job

Quit a job

Do a job

Hate a job

Love a job

Huh, Could say the same thing about a woman.

One’ll give ya money

One’ll take yo maney

But they’ll both steal yer mind.

Put on my walkin’ shoes,

Take a hike

Hitch if I can

Thumb, walk, thumb, walk.

Not too many trustin’ people

Out here,

Or maybe

Thy’re all busy.

Time’s a-wastin’.

Waste a-timin’.

Am I taking something from them?

From myself?

If so...What?

Let the dead bury the dead.

I can’t quite put my finger on it.

It’s like I’ve been here before...

But the again it’s like

I’ve never seen anything like this.

Ain’t never been to heaven,

But I been told-

It takes one thousand men to float a ship

It takes one man to sink it...

Think I’ll take the train.

I groveled a fortnight...

Not for food,

But for my life

...at least at first.

At second I groveled for my death.

Gasp!

What a wretch.

What an ungrateful wretch.

I been to Rome...I been to Paris...

I ain’t never ever...

The music that’s in my ears

Isn’t in my head...

Never made it through.

Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...

You ain’t never been to heaven, good lady?

Oh I have...

And I been to hell too...

Both of ‘em gotta lotta fire.

Heads burnin’ in heaven

Feet burnin’ in hell...

And neither of ‘em have any fire trucks

...no firemen.

Fires just keep burnin’ and burnin’-

What’s that?

Eternally?

Oh, I don’t know about that.

I wasn’t around when it all began...???

It doesn’t really matter, does it?

Matter if I go now or later.

A train is here...

But is it The Train?

Got myself fooled into thinkin’

That everything has a purpose...

Everything has its place.

How ideal.

How surreal.

How utterly fascinating

To be fascinated with dillusions.

What?

Do you wanna trophy?

Do you want a pat on the back?

Open your eyes.

Open your ears.

Close you brain for just one minute.

Keep thinkin’ myself into holes...

Thinkin’ so deep,

It’s gettin’ so hot...

Hotter...

Hotter...

Good God!

Is that the devil!?

Oh...No, it’s just a catfish.

Musta hit water, or something’...

Can’t breath come to think of it-

Stop Thinking!

That’s how you got into this mess.

Everybody’s gotta sob story

Gotta warm fuzzy feeling inside,

But

That’ll soon fade.

My my, is it summer already?

Take my word for it

Don’t take money

-It’ll be worth nothin’ someday.

At least my word’s worth nothin’ right now.

My word’s worth nothin’ today!

The further I walk

The deeper I sink into

Mother Earth

Is a cruel woman.

She’ll knock you down,

Take all your money,

Take your life,

Then take your baby’s life.

It’s only a quarter to three and

I’m doin’ ninety-nine.

My head hurts.

My heart hurts.

I keep on thinkin’

I can save somebody

When I can’t even save myself.

So who do I think I am?

Why feel pity?

Why feel sad?

For whom?

Me?

Him?

Her?

You?

Them?

Us?

I coulda done better.

I beat myself up...

I coulda saved him if I just worked a little harder...

If I weren’t so immersed in myself...

I coulda saved him.

Vain vain thoughs.

I see a lot of sufferin’...

A lot of low down suffering sufferin’

That’s hard to shake.

Dirt ‘neath my nails

Sweat ‘top my brow

My forearms ache,

My feet are sore.

But I’ll keep on goin’

Got to keep on goin’.

A little girl hangs on to her mother’s hand

While the other hand is

Playing with the ribbon on her summer dress.

When will she eat the fruit...

Or has she already?

It doesn’t seem that way.

I must say,

She seems more innocent than

Any Adam

Could have ever been before

Sinking his teeth into that seemingly

Juicy delight.

Oh to go back...

How I long to go back.

Who cares?

Does anybody care?

I mean...

I don’t wanna know

He don’t wanna know

How I long to go back-

Shake...Shake it firm

...Let him know you’re here

...Let him feel your presence.

Eye contact!

Maintain eye contact!

The wooden planks underfoot

First creak, then vibrate

Rumble rumble rumble.

A sweet ride

A blissful ride

A most beautiful ride

That may transport your

Body, Mind, and Soul

To where they may rest, renew, and rejuvenate.

The flowers have already bloomed

The bright blossoms are turnin’ brown

The sky once baby blue

Is fading to geezer gray.

If I stop now then this may be the end.

I may never get another chance.

...On the line...Puttin’ it all here.

The only way...

The way it was, is, and always will be.

Choose a side and you’ll live in regret, guilt, and obligation.

Tick Tock

Back and forth

The pendulum’s swing,

Vulnerable to

Feast and famine,

Gift and greed

Life and death.

Step outside the clock’s hardwood walls,

Outside the grindin’ gears

The sweepin’ hands

The wreckin’ ball.

Step outside and take a look,

Just one look inside...

One eternal glimpse.

SNAP!

blink blink blink

blink blink blink

A good day in deed

A good day out of deed

‘Tis a great day,

A magnificent day to be alive.

A perfect day to be dead.

Skull on the ground

On the ground in the dust.

Lao Tzu points to the bodiless

Head presented by the

Dusty platter of earth.

Lao Tzu looks me in the eye

Lao Tzu says to me

This he says to me...

Where the cloud meets the sky: what’s there?

Besides a silver lining?

Vanity blinds me,

a parasite of the retina

aimed to distort and contort

every image passing through

the vacant bulls-eye,

bordered by blue, brown

or hazel.

Ego suffocates me,

invades my breast

puffs out my chest

squeezes my lungs

‘Til it steals my breath.

Someone is callin’ me,

Someone in the distance o’er the hill.

But I can’t pull myself

From this reflection in the river

I don’t answer.

I can’t answer.

You can lull the beast to sleep

But kill it you won’t.

The greater your attack

The greater its hold

On you.

Wrestle, Grapple, Dance with the demon

But throw not one punch

Not one fist

For the fist of the beast

You will not escape.

He’ll grab hold of your biggest bone

And snap it in two

What makes you so sure it’s

A beast?

Peace!

The perfect disguise

Musical candy for lusting eyes

Not hungry, not thirsty

To any degree

Only want, want, wanting

that sweet song you see

Melodious fragrance

Ecstatic Taste

How sad we all fall

When is fades into waste!

My chest is tightening

I don’t know what’s closin’ in

But I sure wish it’d give me some room

Got a closterphobic mind

In gullible skin.

I tried to change, I try to change

But it just don’t do me no good

So I remind you

Please don’t you try to change me

And I repeat

Please don’t you try to save me

I prefer a more dignified death

To the slow burn you have in mind.

That train’s a-bound to come

But it’s been a quarter to 3 for 2 weeks.

It’s gettin’ awfully warm out here

One day before summer

The sweat flows plenty when

you own a heavy suitcase

and a long way to go.

Don’t fate me into your dreams

Don’t dream me into your fate

Both are much too real

For such insignificant dabble.

I look out the window

Through the bars

Head restin’ on the iron rod

Arms entangled in the void

Exhausted upon sill of stone

Masonry and Mortar Block

Transgressions I have yet to sow

Throw down the plow

Pick up the sickle

The reaper I become.

The regrets I have

I prepare for myself.

Kneading and Kneading

‘Til ready to bake.

In the fire they dwell,

Swell,

Rise.

Toxic aroma,

Light in the head,

Fill my belly

Full of the bread.

Led,

On,

Driven to thirst

In search of the stream

Not to quench

But to purge.

One shiny quarter and

a dirty old dime

Can move you miles in minutes...

Seconds even.

Friend,

A loose word if there ever was one.

...By and by

This train’ll take me away.

I’m gettin’ restless and impatient

And the heat’s only gettin’ worse.

Clouds driftin’ apart,

Revealing the blue river sky

And the great fiery ferryboat

Drifting higher and higher

But it didn’t put this sweat on my brow.

Not work, not toil,

Not a limestone furnace

Could compare to

The perspiration produced

By uncertain circumstances

Spinning out of

Presumed control.

Click.

Back into it’s cradle

To slumber until violently

Awakened by anther distant

Disconnected conversation...

If you think you can win

Then you can most certainly lose.

I thought I could win my mind,

I lost it.

I tried to win your heart,

I lost it.

I needed to win the war,

I lost it.

But I got exactly what I asked for,

Held in my hands the spoils of

Thought, Love, and War...

Sweet Victory sickened me.

For decades I was ill...

My heart, lungs, and brain

Riddled with cavities deepening

With every passing year

‘Til the pain was so great it

Was apart of me...Furthermore

It was becoming me.

I continued to conquer

In hope to satisfy my blood lust

From whom I was now receiving orders.

Without question I obeyed

A mindless subordinate,

More unwilling than unable

To discern my position.

I brought judgement down

With an iron gavel

Pin Stripe Suit reading the

Newspaper says to

The Double Breasted Single Windsor:

All the sudden I got the feelin’

there’s someplace I should be...

Is that what you wanted

From me good lady?

To always be there

To always be a round,

Always be a circle...

Radiating from your bulls-eye center

Oh no...I’ve been on this ride before.

As the lights get dim your

Eyes become brighter.

The way you dance,

Hold me close,

Lead me into the unsettled night.

That last glass of wine

Is burning my head,

My nerves are strung to

Rustlin’ leaves.

My heart to the chirping crickets,

I howl at the moon

Though I cannot see it

FLASH

I know you from someplace,

but where?

Rumble Rumble Rumble

The whistle blows

a distant muffle

dopplering its way towards

an unearthly climax

The cold floor awakens me,

The wall paper embraces me

Nothin’s cookin’

But the smell puts to

Ease my wanderin’ thoughts.

I could sit at this table

In this corner

For days, years even.

Not a sound but the mantle clock

Ticking out my time

Tocking in my dream

When did it go wrong?

How’d we stray?

I don’t even remember

Passin’ though the garden gates

Into the brisk autumn,

Though a beautiful death it was,

A scene all should witness.

Blind black man pickin’ strings

Back against the platform pier

Plays the Stella Lonesome.

Feel like a broke down engine

A beautiful death to be sure

Pedal wilting, desperately hanging on

But not unwilling to give in

to a brotherly gust of wind just the same.

Wilting...a most diving birth.

A ripening within the world’s womb

A one-way track through the earthen walls

Tunneling towards the unknown

Where thruth lies behind the veil

A barrier not to be lifted

But broken through

Shrieking, Twisting, Gushing

Writhing within restraints

Muscles tight

Bones burn

It’s about this time when

A man begins to doubt.

How’s it gonna end?"

I’m not so sure about the beginning.

Sometimes it all seems so

Disjointed...like nothin’

Matches up...like the puzzle pieces

Are strewn on the table

But you find they weren’t

Cut by a jigsaw...no, they

Sren’t so clean...

Each piece was dropped in the heat

To soften...then brought

Back out

Smoldering to be molded

With a nine pound hammer...

Pound Pound Pound

Nothin’s gonna stop this train.

Pound Pound Pound

Gonna keep layin’ track.

Pound Pound Pound

Drivin’ steel spikes into the dirt.

Pound Pound Pound

We’re puttin’ it all together.

Good lady, you gently reprimanded

Me on that stormy night.

I was light...unburdened...

Floatin’ on sturdy clouds

Arm in arm is how

We will walk someday again,

But now I’m strugglin’...

Tryin’ to make anything

Out of something

That may be nothing.

Now my feet are strapped to iron rails

Now I think of other people...

A slave to what they may think.

FRUSTRATION!

I can’t get it out

You know I’m not good at this

But I tried

Maybe it’s time to submit

Time to quit

Time to lie stiff for the grinding machine

To chew me up and spit me out as a

Fish, ant, or rock.

Throw in the last log

We have no other choice

But to head into the wilderness

...Full Steam.

But it’s not steam.

It’s smoke...black smoke...

People disappearin’

Into a man-made fog

Sucking in the soot of civilization

...the waste of progress.

Breath deep.

Drink the milk of

The mother you’ve created.

Breath deep

Eat!

This is the sticky sweetness

We busy bees have drone for,

Longed for.

This is what our land is of now.

Breath deep!

Lips pressed to the silver horn singing

Blaring exaltation in the

Blinking blue fluorescent night.

Veins streaming through the forehead

Fuel flushed cheeks,

Singer swooning,

Lovers swinging,

Friends drinking.

I drink alone,

Though I keep company

At a table of twelve.

You rescued me that night,

You remember, I’m sure, though

You were naive to the role thrust

Upon you as lifeboat for

The drowning addict

I had become.

I keep it hid...well hid...

Better than most street

Junkies can...

Mistaken for a virtue, my stoicism is a vice...

Always wrenching...

Squeezing me insides...

Wrenching, wrenching...

Bulging at the borders,

It continues

To wrench

Until I bleed.

How did you know good lady,

Tell me...How did you know I

was bleeding when the rest

of my nation passed me by?

What made you stop?

From a foreign land you come and

Put perfect pressure

On my stinging hand.

How unfinished things have

Come to be...loose ends

Flailing in the mornin’, afternoon, and night.

No conclusions,

No resolve

In your thoughts, in your dreams,

An always lingering

Tap on the shoulder,

A geyser all wish, hope, and pray

To once and for all cap.

But she knew...

She knew better than I.

As transparent as the lover’s

Nightgown you wore,

she gazed through my words...

Emily, of course.

You know I love you,

You’re my girl...

Lowering my rifle

I gaze into the dense black haze

Riddled w/ flashing firefly shrapnel.

Where there was the sound of

footsteps there is now silence,

and in the halls of my head

there is a symphony’s reverberation,

an echo of what was the

one last remnant of

Pride and Dignity

along with

Regret and Shame.

Of your nation

Of your country

Of your people

I have stolen a man

Up stream. Down stream.

Against my will. For my will.

-it is done.

My captain, my master

Points his finger towards the now silent

And says to me

...this he says to me...

"The only difference between him and my Self

Is that my Self knows I am dead."

Under the canopy

Under the sky

Under the stars

I find protection from the rain.

Liars, hypocrites, gamblers

And the like

File one by one,

Seeking shelter from the storm.

But not you good lady.

You walk the other way,

Seeking shelter from something

much more real...

More real than the rain,

Lightning, or thunder

Will ever be.

Rumble Rumble Rumble

The train is a-comin’

It’s rollin’ slow down the iron rails

I may climb aboard

I may let it pass on by.